There’s no point in beating around the bush, yesterday a dental specialist told me I have cancer in my jaw. Bone cancer. Sarcoma. I literally have no idea what that is. He apologised a lot and kept asking if I wanted to ask him questions. I didn’t know what to ask him.
He seemed very stressed. I reassured him by saying that most people are likely to end up with cancer at some point in their life. He said that’s true and assured me we would beat it.
I said ‘of course we will’ and asked what’s next.
He called me stoic. That’s nice.
A friend told me I’m the strongest person she knows and that she admires me.
I mean… I kind of just want to get rid of it and move on, I’ve got a lot coming up over the next few months. I don’t have time for faffing.
So now I’m waiting for the hospital to contact me. I have done a lot of waiting over this time. My face has been swollen for the last 2 months (and has got worse since the biopsy). Just under my nose. I look seriously ridiculous! I knew I would need an operation, I have just been waiting to find out what and when.
What I wasn’t expecting that I would likely have to have a jaw/tooth/face reconstruction, that’s the part that scares me the most. But the cancer bit… I’m ok with that. Honestly. I suppose I might find out that it’s spread. Or that it’s incurable or whatever. But that doesn’t seem likely.
Turns out I have a super rare form of cancer too. I don’t know if that’s good news or bad. But either way, I just want to get it sorted out please! The dental specialist said he had seen this once in his whole career, another young girl who recovered perfectly well and you can’t even tell that she’s had anything done.
Of course now I’m worrying that my glands are sore, that my ears have been sore and feeling a lot of pressure in my head lately, that the growth has almost spread as high as my eye…
But what good will worrying do?