I FOUND MY BLOOD TAKING SOULMATE (now, if only I knew his name…)

On the first morning of my stay, I overheard the nurses talking about me when doing the handover. ‘She didn’t complain about pain last night but she did this morning’ Well I just said ‘could I have a paracetamol please’ but ok… And the reason I didn’t ‘complain’ last night because I was naughty and…

The longest night

By day the ward is a living, jovial, caring, nurturing, happy space. By night it turns into an unforgiving beast. By day the nurses are your compatriots, your friends. They sort things out for you, they bring pain relief, they bring smiles, laughs. By night they feel like overlords, snatching you unceremoniously from precious sleep…

Being back in hospital…

When I was at home over the last few days before coming in, with this ever swelling face, I was stressed about how I ‘should’ be, or the things I ‘should’ be doing. I’ve got an event to get to but I’m not feeling well enough. Am I going to be well enough to go…

Cancerversaries

Anniversaries. I’ve never been very good at them. Birthdays, yes. I love birthdays. But anniversaries of things, less-so (I don’t make a very good partner, for example). I just live too much in the now and don’t spend time dwelling on the past. Though I must say that every year I smile to myself when…

Teeeeefff

So last week I went in to see my implants dream team for a quick check up to see how things are going. It was to be something like a 30min appointment and then off I would go to work on time. Well, the Gods of healing and spontaneity obviously had other plans. That’s a…

Katie Davidson, August 14 1984 – June 21, 2019

This Weltschmerz I referred to in the previous post likely also stems from a few other things I should fill you in on. One in particular… Probably something I haven’t quite processed yet, on June 21 Canada Katie died. Only what, 2 months after Lucy? Some of you who have been here for a while…

‘A feeling of melancholy and world-weariness’

Today I woke up all panicky. Do you ever have those days? When you have an oppressive feeling of overwhelm? I didn’t sleep much last night. Well I suppose that’s quite standard these days, but with the combination of having had a coffee at 2pm (is that a thing now? Does an afternoon coffee keep…

So where am I at right now?

When I was about 7, I went to a gymnastics day at my local sports hall. For some reason I put sunscreen on… perhaps it was the day before that I put it on? Perhaps I’m mixing my memories, but this feels right. That day I found out I was allergic to sunscreen. Banana Boat,…

Surgery part 2

I think we tend to build up our medical professionals as wizards, magicians, Gods. And in a way, they are. The work that they are doing is beyond belief, and I have gone into my surgeries with complete trust in these people, putting my life in their hands. Lay-people have said to me all along…