The longest night

By day the ward is a living, jovial, caring, nurturing, happy space. By night it turns into an unforgiving beast. By day the nurses are your compatriots, your friends. They sort things out for you, they bring pain relief, they bring smiles, laughs. By night they feel like overlords, snatching you unceremoniously from precious sleep…

Cancerversaries

Anniversaries. I’ve never been very good at them. Birthdays, yes. I love birthdays. But anniversaries of things, less-so (I don’t make a very good partner, for example). I just live too much in the now and don’t spend time dwelling on the past. Though I must say that every year I smile to myself when…

Teeeeefff

So last week I went in to see my implants dream team for a quick check up to see how things are going. It was to be something like a 30min appointment and then off I would go to work on time. Well, the Gods of healing and spontaneity obviously had other plans. That’s a…

Katie Davidson, August 14 1984 – June 21, 2019

This Weltschmerz I referred to in the previous post likely also stems from a few other things I should fill you in on. One in particular… Probably something I haven’t quite processed yet, on June 21 Canada Katie died. Only what, 2 months after Lucy? Some of you who have been here for a while…

So where am I at right now?

When I was about 7, I went to a gymnastics day at my local sports hall. For some reason I put sunscreen on… perhaps it was the day before that I put it on? Perhaps I’m mixing my memories, but this feels right. That day I found out I was allergic to sunscreen. Banana Boat,…

Surgery part 2

I think we tend to build up our medical professionals as wizards, magicians, Gods. And in a way, they are. The work that they are doing is beyond belief, and I have gone into my surgeries with complete trust in these people, putting my life in their hands. Lay-people have said to me all along…

Surgery part 1

Well I don’t know about you, but I was getting tired of the will-they-won’t-they game when it comes to implant surgeries and cancellations. After the last cancellations they said there would be nothing in the foreseeable future. Yay. So I was back onto waiting, and I tried to put it out of my mind. When…

The Lucy Effect

Through the whole cancer thing, we cling to the idea of options. As long as there are options, it’ll be fine. Things don’t necessarily go according to plan, which is something that is terrifying at the time because no one explains to you at the beginning that it’s common, and usually that’s fine, there are…

Friday surgery retraction statement

You know… I probably jinxed it by telling you all it was happening… But I got a call earlier in the week saying they ‘couldn’t find a consultant’ for Friday. I don’t really understand what that means, I thought it was meant to be my surgeon, Mr K who did it. But I guess maybe…