Thoughts.

I’ve been feeling a little bit sorry for myself this week. I accidentally came across some statistics about 5-year survival rates for people diagnosed with sarcoma (I had avoided these sorts of stats), and they’re not exactly inspiring.

But I know these sorts of stats are not useful. They’re not specific to me, they don’t mean anything. All that is important is that my sarcoma is treatable, and that if the surgeon can manage to get it all out, I’ve got a half decent chance of beating it, hopefully for many more years than 5 (in fact I intend on never coming across cancer again).

But I can’t help it playing out in the back of my mind. Especially with the knowledge that I most probably can’t finish my chemo and the knowledge that sarcomas do seem to like repeat performances.

But I’m good at rationalising thoughts and emotions and dealing with them, and the last thing I’m going to do is let something like that bother me!

But hey, guys, let’s stop doing things that make us unhappy. Let’s stop putting off things we want to do, or have been meaning to do. Let’s stop making excuses for not doing things. Let’s stop saying we don’t have enough time – we can make time for things that matter. Let’s stop wasting time on things that don’t fulfill us. Let’s stop caring what everyone thinks. Let’s stop worrying about things that really don’t matter. Let’s let go of negative thoughts. Let’s tell people we love them. Let’s forgive people for things they’ve done. Let’s forgive ourselves for things we’ve done. Let’s take opportunities. Let’s watch sunrises. Let’s just let go and live, shall we?

I’m more determined than ever to make the most of every moment (am I sounding like a cliché? Cringe). I challenge you all to do the same!

13 thoughts on “Thoughts.

  1. Jane Doherty

    Good words Jen. We all need reminding to do all the good things we want to do. Much better to avoid other peoples’ stats and keep your positivity going.

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    1. You kind of go through life without having to think about your own mortality. And that’s fine! But enough people have near-death experiences, or wake up calls. And this is similar. You always think you’ll have more time, and hopefully we all will! But I think sometimes we need to remember that time does pass! And that we should do things NOW instead of later, and do the things we want to do! 🙂
      You are right about the stats. They mean nothing 🙂

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  2. John Kirby

    OK Jen, so you ‘see the figures which dont relate to your case. Now put all those figures and thoughts out of your mind.
    Just continue to focus on all the positives, just like you have been doing for all these months. Your aim now is to keep infections away, and then finish all your chemo.
    My thoughts are always with you, and if they could magically fix everything then it would happen overnight tonight.
    Only positive thinking from now on. Lots of love. John.

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  3. Andrew Taylor

    Hey Jen,

    It’s okay to take a little breather and feel a bit sorry for yourself from time to time. Your treatment has been on going for quite some time now and as it slowly draws to a close and surgery looms, it’s quite normal to feel a little down.
    Staying 100% positive 100% of the time eventually becomes quite exhausting.
    You’re ticking off the weeks now and getting close to the next phase.

    Have a little moment and then climb back in the saddle as you always did when thrown from one of those horses you used to ride, because we all know, deep down inside, that everything’s gonna be,

    Fine, Fine, Fine.

    Love,
    Da.

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    1. Thanks Da, you’re absolutely right.

      Gotta feel sorry for yourself sometimes and eventually pick yourself up and move forward. Ride the ups and downs. It is hard work trying up be up and positive absolutely all of the time. It’s not natural, we have to have emotions, whatever they may be!

      And it is going to be fine fine fine. And I’m already planning on going horseriding once I’m better! hehe. 🙂

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  4. Lorna Tapp

    Thank you Jenna for that message..it’s so true . You wouldn’t be human if those little doubts didn’t sneak in from time to time and you are braver than most. You’re getting closer by the day to having all that behind you and we’re all behind you keeping those positive thoughts and vibes coming your way xxx

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  5. Katrina

    I agree survival rates can be pretty scary but remember that cancer is one of those areas where there are changes and big improvements happening all the time. These survival rates by their nature are historic so lapse behind new technologies quite a bit. For instance that new proton treatment opening in 2020 which is meant to be great for sarcoma and should be another game changer for these survival rates (if it does unfortunately ever come back which I’m sure it won’t)

    As for not finishing chemo there is talk in oxford hospitals of reducing chemo rounds to just 4 rounds anyway so you would have finished if it you lived there…. they wouldn’t make that change if it didn’t work on 4 rounds.

    Ps glad the tips helped – one more thing I do is give myself a treat for getting through it – in my case as I like eating it’s breakfast – not allowed breakfast until I’ve done my injections (I also didn’t tell you that the genius tips didn’t include the fact that it took me 15 minutes and a call to ambi care to work out that there was a cap on the needle -not so much of a genius!!)

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    1. This is such an amazing message. And you have so much info!!

      I hadn’t heard about proton treatment, but I’ve had a little bit of a look into it and it looks super exciting. Wow, there are advancements happening all the time, aren’t there? But yeah let’s just not have it come back, shall we? Deal.

      Also very interesting about Oxford hospitals! That is quite reassuring. Thank you for that information!

      Seriously, I am SO grateful for those tips. I am so good at the injections now! I like the personal incentive idea – I do also save breakfast until after, and have a cup of tea ready to go! Hilarious about the cap on the needle! But I don’t blame you – I did struggle with it too, I couldn’t work out how to pull it off – you have to really tug at it!! Not easy!!

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  6. Penny

    Hi Jen – I have been quietly reading your chronicles. Though it has been many years since I have seen you I feel compelled to tell you that I am constantly in awe of your brightness and the beauty you find in the people and places that this journey has taken you too. What a precious perspective this experience has brought you. Thank-you so much for sharing it.

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    1. So nice to hear from you!! I am so glad that you have been reading, that really means so much to me! And it means a lot that you would leave a comment, and thank you for your kind words! I am lucky to have met so many wonderful people along the way. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Hope you and the family are going well! Much love to you all xxx

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