There is a photo of me from when I was little, sitting in the middle of my parents bed. My little figure propped up, with a big quilt spreading out on the bed around me.
This is how I felt when I got home last night.
I climbed straight into my bed, under all the covers.
I felt small, cold, tired, overwhelmed. I was reminded of this photo and the big bed around me, as I felt so little in the middle of it. But I was home, and that was the important bit.

I was talking to someone yesterday in the common area of the Cotton Rooms (The Cotton Cove) – I was waiting to go over to Ambicare to get disconnected, he was waiting for his room to be cleaned.

He has Leukaemia. That one scares me. I mean people recover fine from Leukaemia, I know. But blood cancer… wow. That would be hard to get your head around. He also has to find a bone marrow donor match before his 6 months of chemo is out. I feel for him.

Not to scare you, but do you want to know how he found out he had Leukaemia? His gums were bleeding when he brushed them. So he went to the dentist, who told him to use mouthwash. Within a week he had blisters in his mouth and went to the hospital… cancer. He had 8 platelets left. That doesn’t mean anything to me either, so I googled it. Apparently a normal platelet count ranges from 150,000-140,000 platelets per micro-litre of blood.

He was also telling me about someone else he had been talking to, who’s wife said he was sweating more than usual at night time, so he should go to the doctor… Turns out it was cancer.

It kind of makes you wonder how anyone ever diagnoses these things at all!

I suppose the important thing here is awareness. Know what to look out for, take things seriously. Though I have no idea how you’re meant to catch a lot of these things.

Anyway, I’m tired, sore, but ok. I’ll get worse over the next week, but hopefully will start to get better in after that and can get back to work for a bit, catch up with some friends, etc.

I’ve been quite nauseous this time around, but I haven’t thrown up yet, so that’s a good thing. Small meals, bread, etc. all the things you’re meant to do when you’re feeling ill. The injections start tomorrow… I’m not ready for them.

But for now I’m sitting awkwardly on my bed because I can’t lie down due to my back pain, I’ve got some candles burning, and I’m listening to BBC’s Desert Island Discs. It’s not too bad, really.