I lost quite a few followers on my last post. Well, Instagram followers. I don’t usually take note of that sort of thing, I just happened to refresh my Instagram and I noticed that the numbers made a fairly significant drop. So I kept an eye on it for interest. I did wonder how that post would be received, though I’m not sure who I offended – religious people or non religious people? Or neither? Who knows! Ah well, I am more than happy for people to not be here if they don’t want to.

I don’t mind losing people who are here for something I’m not. And I’m here to be authentically me, and share my thoughts and adventures in the hope that it speaks to, resonates with, helps, informs or entertains others. And as well as losing some people (not anyone I actually know, I’m sure, and even if it is, so be it), I got some really wonderful, heartfelt responses and messages, with people saying how much my words resonated with them. And that’s worth everything to me.

Posts like that are my riskier ones; knowing that my opinions might alienate some people who only want to hear their own views mirrored back to them. But the pay-off is always worth it. And it’s my blog, there’s no way I could share a curated, false sense of myself to make sure my views are always pleasing everyone at all times. They say it’s good to have some people not like what you say. That’s when you know you’re doing something worthwhile.

There are a few quotes I’ve come across about this, but today I’m going to go with:
‘If you want to achieve anything in this world, you have to get used to the idea that not everyone will like you.’
– Simon Sinek

Of course, we’re not talking about those people who just want to offend, who are trying to get a rise out of others – I’ve come across this occasionally, in the form of internet trolls. It always baffles me, but I just laugh and move on. Some people choose to spend their life doing some very odd things.

I’ll also note that I obviously didn’t lose any of you – my actual subscribers, the people who I really care so much about. Instagram is a strange world, and the word ‘vanity metrics’ springs to mind. Having said that, I love it. I love alternating between my two accounts – my Jen Eve one for life adventures, and my cancerchrons one for my cancer adventures (though these days I mainly just use it to let people know I’ve posted a blog post).

To everyone who took a moment to tell me you enjoyed my last post (or any post ever, really), or even just took the time to read it, you are my heroes. I am so grateful for you – yes, YOU – I’m so glad you’re here. And I wonder if we might all take a minute to realise we can’t and wouldn’t want to please everyone all the time, because the people who appreciate us when we’re truly ourselves are worth holding onto. They are where the magic lies. The rest can go find their own circles.

Anyway, moving on. I though I’d tell you about this weird thing I do sometimes – I do a lot of weird things – where I ask myself ‘Am I alive?’ I ask it to myself in the mornings sometimes, or in the evenings, or at various times through the day. Just whenever I think of it. Sometimes I write it on a post-it note and when I walk past it, I ask it to myself.

Am I alive?

I sit or stand there for a moment, and I really think about it. Am I? I can feel my clothes on my skin, I can hear the ringing in my otherwise quite silent ear, and I can remember that when I opened the curtains this morning, the sun was shining. Or that I just got home from hanging out with Rosa. Or I just returned from Paris. PARIS! Of all places! Or that I then went to Mallorca to watch one of my heroes get married. I look for one thing that tells me that yes, I am alive. I really, truly am.

So today, I’m going to ask you the same thing:

Are you alive?