When do you stop holding your breath? Well probably now because word about town is that doing it for too long is unsustainable.

But in terms of going to hospital… I haven’t yet. And it’s day 13. When is the point I can safely say if I haven’t gone in yet I won’t be…

Probably now. It’s got to be now right? Because even metaphorically holding your breath as to whether now is the time you have to rush in to hospital, or maybe in an hour, is also unsustainable.

On day 8, as expected, my mouth and face started swelling up. My bag was packed, and I was ready at any moment, at any temperature check, to go in to hospital. I watched the thermometer creep up through the 36s, into the 37s and head predictably towards 38. But it never actually got there. It stopped at 37.8 and hung out there for a while…
Five years ago when I did this all the first time, the word was ‘if your temperature is above 37.5 for two consecutive temperature checks, go to A&E.’ But something has changed in those intervening years apparently, because now they just say ‘go into A&E with a temperature of 38’. And mine didn’t get there.

My temperature goes up to about 37.5 every afternoon as my body clearly tries to deal with the usual infection, but I suppose I’ve managed not to be neutropenic this time and between that and the antibiotics and the g-csf injections, we’re getting through this round without a hospital admission.

That in itself it’s a relief, obviously I’d rather stay at home than have to spend a week in hospital, though I miss my fave doctor and nurses but I’m sure they’ll understand me not coming in to visit them this month. The main relief comes with the fact that the Oncologists hopefully won’t have cause to panic and cut down my chemo even more. I was worried what would happen if I was neutropenic yet again – would they cut me down one day? Stop chemo entirely? At least I don’t have to worry about that this time.

Usually by now I would have been given at least two blood transfusions and loads of random supplements which I always think probably aren’t entirely necessary as everything will start to bounce back again given a couple of days, but they see low numbers and panic to treat them. So I’m aware that my haemoglobin and platelets etc. are probably low and contributing to my overall feeling. And we’ll see if things bounce back enough for chemo or if they end up needing to prescribe me some last minute transfusions before I’m ready to go.

But extra time at home, without being prodded constantly and kept awake all night, is something I can get onboard with. Just been taking it easy, lots of resting, not a lot of energy to do much other than lay on the sofa, but that’s fine. I have a lovely sunny spot in my living room and I’m happy to be there.