I had a lovely Christmas and New, Years by the way. I Facetimed with my parents on Christmas day. I didn’t have loads of appetite so didn’t cook a big meal, but I did get takeaway curry On boxing day when the restaurants opened again.
I spent the weekend getting stuck into reading Paul McCartney’s book which a friend got for me (it’s called ‘lyrics’ and I’m obsessed) and watching the Get Back Beatles documentary. It was amazing. I even took myself out out for coffee after my appointment to the cancer centre on the Monday to get my bloods and covid swab done. I didn’t much feel like getting up to go to my appointment at 9am on the Monday after Christmas, but it meant I got to walk around part of my beautiful city and exist within it for a few beautiful moments.
So all in all, a very restful Beatles Christmas.
Chemo cycle two is over, I had a lovely 3 night sleepover with my friend Shiri. It’s nice to have time to just exist in each other’s company. We spent new year’s eve walking to find Tim Tams and various other snacks and then drank non alcoholic fizz and watched Schitts Creek (until I feel asleep at around 10). We were also treated to a livestream of my friend India’s Circus, which felt like such a treat.
Not much to report from the chemo, really. We did not deem me to be ‘confused, drowsy or disorientated’ (the reason I need someone staying with me is to check for this) though I definitely feel the chemo brain on this one. Apparently this drug crosses the blood-brain barrier, which my last ones didn’t.
The days passed by as days do, I sit in the chair for 5 hours while the chemo pumps into me, then off I go to the Cotton Rooms with my backpack filled with water and Mesna (for my kidneys). They always take my observations the second I get in and wonder why my heart rate was high. Well you see I left home late because I wanted a smoothie AND a coffee before I went and so I walked fast to make up for it… It usually slows down after a while. The nurses always seem confused that my heart rate goes up and down depending on what’s going on. Even just the process of getting your arm ready and talking animatedly to the nurses as they do it can spike heart rate – this is obvious to me, but apparently not to them. They wonder if something is wrong, I just tell them to wait a moment and I’ll relax and it’ll come down. Miraculous.
You’ll be happy to know I didn’t throw up my Mesna tablets this time, which was nice, I think this 4 day cycle is agreeing with me. But we shall see. I’m back on the temperature hunt to see if I need to rush into hospital.
People ask ‘how I am’ and it’s always been a question I don’t know how to answer. I never know what they’re asking and it feels too big, too all-encompassing a question. And a question that must be re-tailored to each person depending on who asks it.
I’m tired, every part of me feels like it’s bruised, I’ve got electric twinges on my hands (which makes me drop things), as well as across my back and chest, I keep smelling the scent of rubber, I had to rest after getting my groceries up a flight of steps exhausted me. The usual. I feel first-day-after-chemo. And I know it’ll get worse over the next week or so. But I’m in my flat where I will stay for the next week or so, temperature dependent, and I’ve got my Paul McCartney book, and music to listen to and play (I accidentally spent my evening after I got disconnected from chemo recording some vocals for one of my songs) and so I’m ok. I’m here and writing and alive.
I’ll say one thing for my last hospital admission – the cleaners dealt with the fallout (haha) from my hair – I walked into hospital with a full head of hair but walked out a baldie. I’m having some fun embracing wigs this time, finding ones that make me feel like me. This one makes me wonder if I’ve not just had that hair my whole life.
The Cancer Chronicles 
I saw the Beatles live at concert In 1964 I was 10 years old . My dad was at a petroleum convention in Kansas City Missouri. They drew for 2 tickets to see them at the Municipal Stadium. That was their baseball park at that time. I think it was only about 30 minutes they were playing. My poor dad didn’t know what he had gotten into! The screaming started just before they came on stage. When the bra and underwear throwing began he immediately started to get me out of there. The place was so packed they were finished playing before we got to the parking lot. How I wish I had photos. No one usually thought to take a camera with you! I can close my eyes and still hear and see them play. A favorite memory I hold dear.
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Oh gosh, that is amazing!! I can’t tell you how much I loved reading this, it gave me goosebumps – especially the part where you said ‘I can close my eyes and still hear and see them play.’ Beautiful.
Wow such a short gig! I can so imagine your Dad thinking he needed to get you away from that haha did you go willingly?
My mum also saw them in 64, in Australia, she remembers the screaming more than anything and only just being able to hear over it.
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No, I did not go willingly! When I think back about that night It seems strange to say, but I believe they weren’t happy preforming. The only thing you could actually hear was screaming. How frustrating to preform music for an audience with no one able to hear your vocals or instruments. Glad your Mom got to see them in person. I’m now 67 years old and still love my music. My grandchildren are amazed at how cool their Nana is.
My health is not good and you have inspired me to think differently. Everyone on this planet starts working towards their last day on earth from birth. Since I began to read your blog, I now start each day with a smile thanking the universe I have more time to enjoy my family, my 4 dogs and still keep trying to catch those falling stars and put them in my pockets.
I pray you won’t end up in the hospital after your 2nd round of chemo. If you do,I will put in an extra prayer for you to get the room with the fabulous view of London! It is 5am here and I haven’t been to sleep yet. My husband just made me a cup of tea and then he has ordered me to sleep. I hope your next posts are full of good news and more photos of yourself wearing the stylish wigs!
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Wow, I can imagine. Did you watch the documentary made a few years back called ‘8 Days a Week’? It talked about how they couldn’t hear themselves or each other in those concerts, over the screaming. Yet they were still perfectly in tune and in time with each other. Truly fantastic musicians.
Oh, that’s the most wonderful compliment you could give me, that I’ve inspired you find a smile here or there. I’m sorry to hear you’re having health issues too, it’s rubbish isn’t it. But there are those stars amongst it all to find aren’t there, and I think we may go mad if we don’t spend some time trying to find them. I hope you got some sleep xxx
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Whohooo looking fabulous ! Who’d have thought anyone would suit that colour 😂😂😂 it was made for you 😍
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Thank you! Yes, I think so!!!
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I wish you all the best for 2022!!! 😍😍😍
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I love the wig Jen! Glad to hear you’ve got a good book on the go.
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Welcome to the new year. I hope it is a better one for you. I do like the colour of that wig on you.
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Love that hair on you!!! ❣️🤗
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Love that hair on you!!! ❣️🤗
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Hi Jen. I love the photo with your wig , you look so good. Lots of love. John xxx
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I’m new here, I came after reading the article I randomly saw on bbc from Sept 2018. I just wanted o say that I’m glad you’re still here, and I hope everything works well out for you.
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Another new commenter who has been following your updates for a while now. You write so beautifully and with such strength. Wishing you all good things for the year ahead
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